On a morning of non-stop drizzle, when everyone’s gone into town to find Wi-Fi, the dogs and I are having a nap. We’re holding down the summer fort, so to speak. Hanging out because, well, that’s how we roll. My sister’s golden retriever, Tekla, is blissed out under the red Ikea chair by the window. … Continue reading My dog days of summer
Author: maragulens
I travelled 900 kilometres with my eyes closed
Was crossing the 18th-century Atlantic in a ship’s hull like this? Does a kitten in a crate on a plane feel this way? I can tell you where we landed. I can’t tell you how we got there. Our vessel was a burgundy Toyota Corolla. Our five-day pre-determined route covered the southwest corner of Latvia, … Continue reading I travelled 900 kilometres with my eyes closed
What love’s got to do with it
Let me describe her before she’s gone. Because I have a feeling she’ll go. That, or I’ll learn to live with her in a way that I barely notice her presence anymore. Call it my new normal. For brief moments, I already feel like she’s gone. After a nap. After a good night’s sleep. It’s … Continue reading What love’s got to do with it
This writing life
I’ve barely touched this space for three months. I’ve been busy quieting my mind to give my brain more space to heal. I rest a lot: fatigue still takes a lot out of me. I practise all that I learned at rehab: Breathing. Mindfulness. Self-compassion. Making sure I exercise and get to yoga. Mostly, I … Continue reading This writing life
My puppy brain
It was already a blizzard up there, in my brain, as we drove out to Mennonite country for the second day in a row. By blizzard, I mean a jumble of thoughts I couldn’t control. A sense of panic. The “your brain’s like a snow globe” concept that Dr. Bicycle had referred to so many … Continue reading My puppy brain
On breath and meaning
“You went back to work for two days,” says the neuropsychiatrist, flipping through my chart. “Then you got C-difficile. Are you well now?” It’s my six-month check-in at the Traumatic Brain Injury clinic. Everything is now marked against that trial return-to-work and those subsequent days of being sick. There’s before, with the various proposed back-to-work … Continue reading On breath and meaning
A tale of two tigers
On the morning of my second day back to work, I wake up with some precious knowledge. I know who the tiger is. It’s my brain injury. As in Life of Pi, the tiger sits in the corner, not looking at me. But if I put down my guard or don’t do things in a … Continue reading A tale of two tigers
My first day back at work
iPhone voice memo, Monday, September 25: I’m walking north. A monarch flits by. It’s 29 degrees. I did it! I showed up at work. I did some email. I got lots of hugs. I had conversations and questions and observations. I’m exhausted. I’m taking my brain home. I’ve often thought about this recovery like a … Continue reading My first day back at work
Driving the brain
Driving Miss Daisy. Driving. Driving me crazy. I said before that this recovery is all about milestones. It’s also about waking up. To things going on around me. To the incredible capacity of the brain. In the early days of this journey, “I want my brain back” was the refrain playing over and over in … Continue reading Driving the brain
Lavender days
It’s August 4th. Marika and I are planning a stop at Terre Bleu lavender farm and I keep thinking: Does lavender have magical properties that help cure? Is there a lavender salve for the brain? Will a whiff of lavender renew neurons that have atrophied? Yesterday Dizzio asked me how close I thought I was … Continue reading Lavender days
Postcards from my brain 